To You: Cracked Pots

Posted by Clarissa Lim on

This is a forward email I got from my mum. Thanks Mammy!

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck…

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water..

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.

‘I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.’

The old woman smiled, ‘Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side?’

‘That’s because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them..’

For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.

Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.’

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it’s the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.

You’ve just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

SO, to all of my cracked pot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

The Golden Handshake

Posted by Clarissa Lim on

You never can tell if a year will be at the 6s and 7s or a total breather until you start planning for your mid year holiday or start gathering enough plates for a big family X’mas dinner. Realising there’s a hole in your purse that’s been patch and re-patch over the years. Some say you’re in danger when your pride goes before a fall. Believe what you see, don’t make believe the promising rewards you see in front of you. Instead, be your own “ten commandments” of your own life. Be it if you’re single, or if you have a family who supports your every move. It is a good idea to keep in with the colleagues in case you need their help one day, but don’t let the pigeons out of its cages. False pretences are common in a place far away from the city, especially when it is filled with women dressed in mini-skirts, hired to shake their booties through the whole night on a new year. What would you do if a supposedly well-heeled boss has hired you to ride his herd without giving you a dime? Would you roll with it or take a dim view of such character? Sometimes, it is priceless to prick up one’s ears in this situation.

Have you watched the Ghost Rider? Which would you choose? A soul for a life? Trade your soul to save a loved one’s life. Or a life for no life? You’d rather give up without even trying because it’s too tough and guess what? The devil doesn’t care either, 2 lives are better than no souls.

Happy Birthday to You, Jesus

Posted by Clarissa Lim on

Merry Christmas y’all! This x’mas is filled with mixed emotions of smiles, anger and relief. Because I was having so much fun now, I feel Mr. Guilt is poking at me. It has been a while since I had a house filled with family. A season like this, you share with your loved ones, but when things get all messy; luggage on the right and on the left, a sudden long Q for a shower, the never ending flow of dirty plates after a lovely dinner, I can’t wait to get my 8 hours of beauty sleep. Sharing my most personal thoughts with my God-mama is one of the best present this x’mas. Since young, I’ve always enjoyed her presence even to the extent that after spending a whole day of fun, love and ice creams at Jerudong Park, I called my own house a “lousy house” that serves “lousy food” LOL I’m so glad that I finally get to spend quality time with her together with my lovely cousins who came for an amazing sleepover this x’mas holidays. Though it does get really crowded in our tiny living room, love is still in the air. I’m a little disappointed with the out-of-tuned church choir that made the x’mas midnight mass “cheap”. It was embarrassing enough that I tried to convince my cousins, “oh look! New choirs!” Five years ago, choir was the only reason that made me get up on Sunday mornings for church. Dude, you need to tune up yourselves.

Sometimes life can be untrue to you, but you (always) have to remember this: YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR OWN LIFE. It may be wrong to say this, but you are the God in your life. You choose the path. Sometimes we do tumble off from our bikes, no matter how an expert driver we are. Would you get off and walk for the rest of the way? Or would you get back on the seat and ride on? Thomas Edison didn’t quit when he failed. Do you dare to fail? Whatever you went through, take it as a bridge you had to walk on to get to where you are now. Don’t want to move on? Move forward. Just move.

Jokes are for Smiles

Posted by Clarissa Lim on
Esquire jokes from beautiful women. It’s great way to brighten up your day.
Gillian Jacobs : A tourist couple driving through La Jolla start arguing about how to pronounce the name of the town. So they stop for lunch, and while they’re ordering, they ask the cashier, “Can you tell us where we are? How do you pronounce it?” The employee replies, speaking slowly, “Burrrr-gerrrrr Kiiiiiiiing.”

Jessica Lucas : An old married couple had four boys. The older three had red hair and light skin, the youngest had black hair and dark eyes. On his deathbed, the father turned to his wife and said, “Honey, be honest with me. Is our youngest son my child?” The wife replied, “I swear on everything holy, he is your son.” Then he passed away. The wife then said, “Thank God he didn’t ask about the other three.”
Jessica Stroup : A cruise ship passes a small desert island. Everyone watches as a ratty-looking bearded man runs out on the beach and starts shouting and waving his hands.

“Who’s that?” asks one of the passengers.

“I have no idea,” replies the captain. “But every year we sail past and he goes nuts.”

Shantel VanSanten : A guy is sitting on his sofa when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock at the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, “What the hell was that all about?”
Anna Friel : What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lickalotopus.
Anne Hathaway : This woman walks into a bar, and she has the hairiest armpits in the history of armpits. She sits down, raises her arm, and says, “Bartender, I would like a drink.” There’s an old drunk sitting next to her. Slurring, he says, “Barkeep, I would like to buy the ballerina a drink.” She accepts, drinks it, raises her arm again to get the bartender’s attention, and orders another. The old man says, “Barkeep, you just keep giving the ballerina anything she wants.” Finally, the bartender goes over to the drunk and says, “Sir, that’s nice of you, but how do you know she’s a ballerina?” The old man answers, “Son, you don’t get to be my age without learning that only ballerinas can lift their legs that high.”
Marié Digby : Two muffins go into an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, “Hey, man, does it feel like it’s getting hotter in here to you?”

The other muffin says, “Holy shit — a talking muffin!”

Noa Tishby : A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s wheel on his penis. The bartender says to him, “You know you’ve got a ship’s wheel on your penis?” And the pirate says, “Argh, I know. It drives me nuts.”
Gretchen Mol : Why should you never tell a joke while ice fishing?

Because the ice will crack up.

Maria Menounos : Joe and his buddy Frank visit a brothel. Joe goes into the room with the prostitute first while Frank waits outside. When he’s done, Joe closes the door behind him and says, “Don’t waste your time, man. My wife’s better.” But Frank goes in anyway. When he emerges 15 minutes later, he shakes his head in disappointment and says, “Damn, Joe, you were right. Your wife is better.”

Kristen Bell : This old lady is feeling kind of lonely, so she says, “You know what? I’m going to pick up some guys.” She takes off all her clothes, puts a trench coat on, and walks into a bar. She sees three young guys drinking. She walks up to the first, opens her trench coat, and says, “Super sex!” He screams, “Oh, my God, that’s disgusting!” and runs away. She walks up to the second guy, opens her trench coat, and says, “Super sex!” He runs to the bathroom to throw up. She approaches the third guy, opens her trench coat, and says, “Super sex!” He looks her up and down and says, “I’ll have the soup.”
Rose McGowan : Walking home after a girls’ night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee. The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that. The next day, the first woman’s husband phones the second woman’s husband, furious: “My wife came home last night without her panties!” “That’s nothing,” says the other. “Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, ‘From all of us at the fire station, we’ll never forget you.’
Keri Russell : A guy sees a sign that says, “Volunteers needed for medical experiment. $500 fee!” So he goes in and they tell him they need humans to mate with gorillas. The guy thinks about it for a second, then says, “I’ll do it under three conditions: 1) No one can find out that I did this. 2) If there are any offspring, they should be treated humanely. 3) I’m gonna need some time to come up with the $500.'”
Odette Yustman : A guy walks into a doctor’s office with a duck on his head. The doctor asks, “Can I help you?” The duck says, “Yeah, get this guy off my ass.”
Gabrielle Union : What has 75 balls and screws old ladies? Bingo

Kelli Garner : What did the banana say to the vibrator? “What are you shakin’ for? She’s gonna eat me.”

Maggie Grace : Two guys, Jimmy and Johnny, stand at heaven’s gate, waiting to be interviewed by Saint Peter.

Jimmy: “How did you get here?”

Johnny: “Hypothermia. You?”

Jimmy: “You won’t believe it. I thought my wife was cheating on me, so I came home early one day, hoping to catch the guy. I accused her of being unfaithful and searched the entire house without any luck. Then, I felt so horrible about the whole thing that I had a massive heart attack.”

Johnny: “Oh, man. If you’d only checked the walk-in freezer, we’d both be alive.”

Vanessa Ferlito : One night a man rolls over in bed, giving his wife a big grin. She says, “Not tonight, honey. I have a gynecologist’s appointment tomorrow. I want to stay fresh and clean.” The man, feeling rejected, rolls over and tries to go to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls over again and asks his wife, “Do you have a dentist’s appointment tomorrow?”
Anita Briem : Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other, “Funny, I smell carrots, too.”
Elisha Cuthbert : There’s a bear and a rabbit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and says, “Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?” And the rabbit goes, “No.” So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
Nadine Velazquez : A shy guy goes into a bar, sees a beautiful woman, and says, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”

She responds by yelling, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!”

Completely embarrassed, he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. I’m a psych student studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean, $200?”

Maggie Q : Two men are adrift in a lifeboat for days. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, one of the men stumbles across an old lamp. When he touches it, a genie comes forth. This particular genie, however, states that she can deliver only one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought, one man blurts out, “Make the entire ocean into beer!” The genie claps her hands and the entire sea turns into brew. The other man looks disgustedly at the one who made the wish. After a long, tension-filled moment, he says, “Nice going! Now we’re going to have to pee in the boat.”
Minka Kelly : A famous cardiologist died, and everyone was gathered at his funeral. His coffin was displayed in front of a huge model heart. When the minister finished his sermon and everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed. Just at that moment, one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him asked, “Why are you laughing?” The mourner said, “Well, I was just thinking about my own funeral.” The man asked, “Well, what’s so funny about that?” And the mourner said, “I’m a gynecologist.”

You Are {beau.ti.ful}

Posted by Clarissa Lim on

Some days when you see a pretty smile, your heart smiles quietly. The 3 big things in life are very much dedicated from the relationship between you and others and also you and God. Recently I read Jenna Lucado’s “Redefining {beau.ti.ful}” observing not the classic relationship between a daughter and her mother. But instead it realizes the lovely relationship of a daughter and her daddy. Things to look at; how she looks at herself, how she look at others and how she looks at God are some of the things taught in the book. It makes you realize the essentials of life. Not just the latest gadgets, fashion wear or billboard music. People can influence you in many different ways; good or bad, we’re affected either way. It is good to trace back the purity of our origin; like our culture or even a simple Q: Where was your grandfather from? Have you ever wonder where all your past generations were? How did you arrive where you are now? Lately, I’ve  learnt so much about my ancestors and to tell you the truth, it took me a long ride into the past.

One quick question, do you…?

a)      “No, thanks.” What’s the point? They won’t like me anyway. Just try hard to impress them.

b)      “I’m okay with anything…” I’m a people pleaser, I’d rather avoid any conflict to gain more friends.

c)       “F” Nooooooo…. I have a failure-phobia.

d)      “Try this on… Go on..” Do I look good in this? Hmmmm…

I’m a little of everything. I know this may be a little unfair, but I really do try hard sometimes to please others so they’d like me. But there are times I’d just say a big “O.K” when they ask me “Is it okay if I get a ride from you?” Although it might seem a bit rude to say no, but that’s what friends are for. Who is not scared of seeing the big “F”? Definitely it is one of the most influential satisfaction that you have willingly set out to achieve. It may be as little as throwing a crunched paper into the bin to passing your final exam that determines your career and life. Finally, looks is a very sensitive area. Having to go through the many yo-yo diets and the ups and downs when stepping onto the scales, there were many quiet screams (and swearing) when I see the gained kgs/lbs. Being adventurous in food has its pros and cons. Experiences are treasures of the past and memories for the future.